Chapter 21: Ground Rules

November 14, 1981

When we got home, I changed quickly. I had no idea what we were doing, so I picked a nice shirt and black jeans. I gave Mom a hug, then Angie. “Back by 11, Steve!” Mom called.

“I remember!”

“And behave!”

“I will!” Fortunately, my definition of ‘behave’ on a date wasn’t at all the same as my definition of ‘behave’ with Angie.

Arriving at Jasmine’s, I walked to the door. She opened it before I could knock. She’d gone with a flowery green dress that was quite sexy despite coming to her ankles. Or the girl in it was, either way. As she came out, she called back, “Bye, mama, papa! See you in a while!”

I heard her dad’s “Enjoy yourself, honey!” and her mom’s “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” float out the door after her. Considering they were a married couple, I had to wonder what that ruled out. Or if it was tacit permission. Who knew? Jasmine, possibly.

She met me in a hug and a rather intense kiss. I gave her ass a squeeze, and she giggled. “Later for that! I’m hungry, and I have just the place picked out.”

“Happy to drive you, m’lady.” I offered my arm. She giggled and walked to the car with me, and smiled as I helped her in. Getting in, I looked over to her. “Where to?”

She gave some directions which I followed, checking in a few times to make sure I was on the path. They headed us off to an area that, while close, I wasn’t very familiar with since it’s on the ‘other side of the tracks’. Which, as previously mentioned, is literally true.

“How was your appointment?” she asked.

“It was good. I’ll explain it; you’ll either think I’m crazy, or, not. I’ve been visiting with a psychologist for most of the year. At first it started because a friend of mine was having some very serious issues and she — the psychologist — wanted to get insight from everyone who knew my friend. However, over time it’s become more about me and my life and goals and other things. And just enjoying having an adult to bounce things off of. It became pretty helpful when Max attacked me in August.”

She nodded. “Half of the kids in Drama are in therapy, I think,” she laughed. “We’re all very open about it. I’m not, right now, but I’ve done some. Stage fright, and anxiety about being ‘the Asian kid’. You know that was nonsense, but my junior high was much more white than Memorial. Though even at Memorial that’s just Asians; we’ve got, what, three black kids? And not many Hispanic kids? It’s gotta be awkward for them sometimes.”

“You’re Asian?”

She laughed and smacked my arm. “You are hardly that clueless! I know it doesn’t matter to you, don’t worry. Or your sister, or your parents from what I can tell. Or, well, most anyone. Memorial’s fine. I’ve gotten ‘gook’ or ‘chink’ or the occasional ‘my uncle killed a bunch of you slant-eyes’ comments, but they’re really rare. In any group, there’ll be some bad apples. But my junior high was that times ten. You’d have been an outcast for dating me.”

“That really sucks. I’m sorry. People can just be shitty. My friend Connie’s parents moved them to the Memorial area because they were taking so much abuse where they lived before.”

“I know her. We have a few classes together. She’s scary smart. Not that I’m a slouch at all, but she’s just on another level.”

“I think she’s going to be Dr. Ng eventually. I’m putting some odds on Jimmy being her support through medical school, now that her parents seem to be OK with her dating a white guy.”

“I think it’s funny that there’s such a community here now. A decade ago, no one could pronounce Nguyen or Ng or anything, here. As you know, we’ve been here for decades. Well, not me, but my parents and grandparents. I get stories about Nah-goo-yen and worse all the time. I mean, I don’t even pronounce it completely authentically; my Vietnamese skills are pretty spotty. I do much better in French and I’m spotty there, too.”

“Blame Uncle Sam for going over and messing up an already messed-up country even more. At least we took in a bunch of the refugees that created.”

“Not the worst way to look at it, yeah. The refugees were inevitable. The communists really are evil, but they were going to win there no matter what.”

“Kinda like my friend Farzad says about Iran.”

“Yeah.”

She guided me to a small strip mall. In this area, over the past few blocks, every sign had been in mixed English and Spanish. Suddenly the signs had switched to Vietnamese and English. I parked where she indicated and looked up.

“Really? You had me drive all this way just so we could enjoy some Pho King?”

She giggled quite a bit. “Trust you to pronounce it right! Most round-eyes don’t get the hidden play on words. C’mon. It actually is very enjoyable. Pho King, that is.”

I laughed and hopped out, opening the door for her. We both went with round steak. She went with a small bowl; I went with large. She looked amused. As we sat, I said, “I ordered for leftovers. Angie will want some. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will.”

“Ah! I thought you’d fallen prey to the large-bowl ploy. Leftovers is the only reason to do that, and I can’t bring leftovers. Mama would gripe that hers is better, which is true.”

She put both hands across the table; I took them. She smiled. “I wanted to talk to you. This ... well. It’s hard to even put the right words on it. I was going to say that we have ... built up ... quickly, but that’d be totally wrong, really. And I was going to say that I just expected a blind date and a nice Halloween, but that’d be totally wrong, too. I knew you were a good guy and that it wouldn’t be just Halloween unless that was all I wanted. But I want to clear the air before either of us gets hurt.”

I nodded. “You can say whatever you want. I can handle it.”

She chuckled. “I know you can. You told me about seeing a counselor. You were very discreet, of course. Still, I’m fairly certain your friend was Candice Matthews, and I’ve never bought the rumors that she’d gotten pregnant.”

I smiled, didn’t say anything. She laughed. “See? Discreet. I used to be close to Candice, and I’ve always wondered what happened. Still do. Anyway. Look. We all tease about all the drama going on in Drama, but it’s true. I said that I can’t say we’re moving quickly; being a little blunt, that’s because we’ve dated. A couple of my flings have been straight to bed. Which ... probably makes me sound like a slut.”

“A word I dislike. Guys get praised for the same behavior. Besides ... well. I’m guessing you don’t feel at all like a slut. Also, let’s say that rumor has it that there are a lot of brief, intense relationships amongst the Drama contingent.”

She giggled and blushed. “So ... that’s true. I think ... hrm. No. I was going to say that I used to feel like a slut, but that’s not really true. I used to ... well ... just throw myself into things without thinking. I don’t think that’s right for me; taking time like this is better.”

I nodded. “I agree. I’ve always felt that you can always do something later, but you can’t take back what you’ve already done. Taking time is smart.”

“Which is funny, coming from a guy. Guys always seem to want to rush, lest the girl change her mind.”

“That’s certainly the stereotype. The always-eager guy, the always-reluctant girl. I’m not sure it’s always that way in reality, either.”

“No?” She grinned, smirking a bit. I was pretty sure she agreed.

“People have reminded me that girls can be eager and guys can be hesitant. I used to say that I would never push a girl to go faster than she wanted, but, as others have pointed out to me, some girls — maybe many girls — factor that in, and want, or need, the guy to push. If he’s not pushing, he must not be interested, right?”

She laughed, nodded. “You haven’t pushed at all, but then you know I don’t need it, I’m sure. I think ... um...” She bit her lip, hesitated, blushed slightly. “I don’t ... well. We’ve been going out for two weeks and that’s not how I feel. It feels like it’s been much longer. Which, well ... we talked a lot before Halloween, so maybe I need to say we’ve been going out a month.”

“A month is fair. And a month is ... a month. It’s not slow, or fast, by itself.”

“Yeah. OK. Going back to what I said before ... I’m not exactly regretful about what I’ve done in the past, but that’s in the past. This is much better. I like that we’re not rushing into bed. On the other hand,” she winked, “I’m not saying we need to drag our feet too much, either.”

“All for not dragging our feet,” I said, with a wink and a leer.

She laughed, nodded. “So. Well ... Um ... I like you, a lot. Pretty sure it includes that way. I’d love to find out, and, if you want to, we will. But I think ... I hope ... maybe ... there’s a chance we’re more than a few rolls in the hay.”

“I’m hoping so, too. I think I know where you’re going, but you’ll have to lead me there. My putting the words in your mouth is probably not the right thing here.”

“I ... no. Well. This is hard.” She blew out a breath. “I ... Mama and papa love each other very much. They brought me up with a very ... French ... or at least, what I think of as French ... attitude about relationships. They’ll be together forever, I think. However, neither of them would imagine that meant they couldn’t go to bed with other people. Or love other people. Their relationship comes first, but as long as neither puts the relationship at risk, who cares?”

“This is an interesting thing to know about my girlfriend’s parents.”

She giggled. “Isn’t it? Not your usual conversation. So, look. My first attempts at following them were ... misguided, I think. I’m learning. But the thing is ... I like you. I don’t want to break your heart. I might be doing that right now, but, if your heart survives this conversation, hopefully I won’t later.”

“I’ll make a stab at something I said was a bad idea.” That got a giggle out of her. “You’re saying you want what I’d call an open relationship, at least in general. Right?”

“Right. It’s ... well. That’s the way I see things right now. It’s ... Mama and papa couldn’t be happier. Maybe ... maybe it’ll turn out I don’t want that later, but it’s better to say I will and not, then say I won’t and it turn out I do.”

“No question about that, I agree.” I hesitated, thinking for a second. This was ... expected and unexpected? I’d gone into this expecting that Jasmine might cheat. Partly because of the drama rumors, partly because ... well ... fifteen. I knew I wouldn’t, but then ... not exactly fifteen, entirely. So, I’d already accepted the possibility as a likely outcome before even asking her out. And I was quite curious to see where this would go.

I pulled my thoughts together. “So ... open or nothing? Or...?”

“Look, if we just have a little fling and then split, then, sure, I’m not hopping from bed to bed so fast that I’d be with anyone else right now or in the next couple of weeks or anything. While I could do that, I think maybe we could have more than that, and that’s where we get into trouble.”

“And maybe we both just expected a little fling?”

“Honestly, I did. Things changed.”

“I did, too, but I went in thinking maybe there’d be more.”

She nodded. “I hoped. I like you, quite a bit. I don’t want to make you miserable. But lying to you about who I am would make you much more miserable down the road. I’ve fucked this up before, Steve. I hurt a guy a while back who thought he could handle it and couldn’t.”

“That sucks. And, well ... how can I know I can handle it?”

“Yeah. I get that. Still ... well. A few nights of just hopping in bed won’t hurt much. But, if we said we were dating, for real — which we are, I think — and ‘in a relationship’, then it could hurt, if it was going to. And I like the idea of a relationship, but I have to be who I am, or it’ll never work.”

“That’s fair enough. I wouldn’t ask you to change. I’ll be blunt, I guess. Broadly, I can see other girls, you can see other guys, but we’d be boyfriend and girlfriend with each other, and put each other first? If we tried going down that road?”

She nodded. “That’s pretty much what I mean. Except ... you phrased things in terms of guys and girls, and that’s fine for you, I was pretty sure you felt that way. I care much more about the person than if they’re a guy or a girl. I like both. I do see myself married to a guy, one day, though. I’m traditional that way at least.”

“But you could have both girlfriends and boyfriends.”

“Exactly. And yes, you’re allowed to be at least a bit of a pig about it.”

“Oink.”

She giggled. “Good. Um ... so. For full disclosure, because we hadn’t talked about this, and because you’re fascinating,” she giggled, “I haven’t slept with anyone since we started going out.”

“I haven’t either, in case you were wondering.” She giggled. “It does change a bit how I see things. I wouldn’t have, even with someone I’d been with before, after we started dating. Now, I’d consider it. Um ... how do you feel about ... disclosure?”

“Good catch! Mama and papa let each other know what, in general, and often who — but not always. I think I’d want to know if something happened, and I’d want to tell you if something happened. And promising that would probably be best. But not asking permission in advance or anything. One exception is, if I thought the person would bother you, I’d check first, and I’d expect the same thing. Like, oh, hypothetically, maybe you’d be bothered if I made a play for Angie, so I’d ask. And, since I can’t think of a student that’d bother me, right now, you’d guess maybe it’d bother me if you made a play for mama, so you’d ask.”

“Your mom is attractive.”

“Yeah, don’t think I don’t know that! I’m hoping it’s a preview for how I’ll be. And grandmama. She’s still lovely. Good genes!”

“Back to what you said. Angie’s her own person. I would always choose her happiness. If she wanted to and you wanted to, my being bothered — if I was, which I don’t think I would be — is my problem, not hers or yours.”

“Goodie! ‘Cuz she’s hot!” Jasmine winked and giggled.

“I think it’d be cheating by the rules of her relationship with Gene, though. But I could be wrong; we haven’t discussed it much.”

“Fooey. But you’re probably right. Cheating is an interesting word. Some people think I make the Drama drama worse, and some think I make it better, because I won’t help someone cheat if I know someone is exclusive, but I don’t feel like I can cheat, sexually at least. So, people mistake my saying ‘no’ to them as being because of my relationship, and not their relationship. And then they can’t figure out why I’m sleeping with someone else a few days later.”

“Makes sense. I agree; I wouldn’t want to help other people cheat.”

“Also, um ... well.” She grinned a bit. “Really, whether or not this works for us, I know some of the other girls in Drama would be pretty interested. I mean, in you. And, with this, it’s not cheating, and I certainly wouldn’t be upset. But, of course, if this doesn’t work ... obviously still not cheating. So ... I don’t know. But it’s something to think about.”

The bell rang at the counter. I got up and fetched both soups. We added vegetables and a bit of different flavorings and dug in. I used the interlude to think. Could I handle Jasmine fucking, say, Alan? Or Bob? Or, of course, Paige, or Lexi? Or Alan and Bob and Paige and Lexi all at the same time?

The answer was ... how the hell should I know? I’d never tried it. The thing was, I’d always believed I could handle it. I’d never believed that monogamy was the only right answer. What I’d believe then, and believed now, was that a promise is a promise. If two people got married and promised to be faithful, then cheating was wrong, period. But, if two people (or, hypothetically, more than two) came together and promised to put each other first, but not to be exclusive, then ... not cheating.

My ex-wife, of course, hadn’t believed that. Yes, we’d actually discussed it. She didn’t, I agreed, end of subject. I never cheated, and I don’t believe she ever did either. I’d had several opportunities and turned them down.

Candice and I, and Nancy and I, had never discussed it. We just fell into the default relationship.

Here was something I’d always believed, staring me in the face, daring me to actually try it. It could crash and burn. It could hurt quite a bit. But I’d have my eyes wide open, not be watching suspiciously for Jasmine to fall into Drama drama. And it wasn’t like my last two relationships had been pain-free. Nor would rejecting Jasmine mean the next girl might not actually be a cheater.

My previous go-round, I’d said, in so many words, ‘why would I want to tell the person I loved that they couldn’t do something that’d make them happy and wouldn’t harm me?’ This go-round, I’d said that I wanted to try new things, explore life, learn more about myself and the world. This was a golden opportunity to do so.