Chapter 26: Guys And Girls

November 29, 1981

Jasmine sat in my lap at the Drama lunch table for a bit. I talked with the others, continuing to get to know them at least a bit. They were probably less driven scholastically compared to our table, but certainly a number of them would keep up just fine. Their focus was elsewhere, not their ability level.

With a bit of lunch left, Jasmine and I moved to our own table.

“You said we’re still getting to know each other, which is true. So, ask me something,” she said with a little smirk.

“I’ll ask an obvious one that you asked me. How many?”

“Oh, goodness!” She blushed a bit, then giggled. “I set myself up, didn’t I? Fine. In love with? Three. Sex? Which includes girls? Ten.”

I smiled. “Interesting.”

“You think I’m a slut,” she said, blushing and looking down a little.

“No. Absolutely not.” She looked up. “Remember, I don’t even agree with the conventional meaning of the word. If you think you’re a slut, then we’ll talk — about whether you are, and what that means to you. If you don’t, I certainly don’t. No, the interesting part is that you have fewer people in the ‘love’ category than I do.”

“All of my loves are in the ‘sex’ category,” she giggled a bit, recovering. “Well, that’s not true, but a romantic ‘I love you’ means I’ve had sex with them. I’m counting yours with Angie as a mix of sibling and romantic. Anyway, I can’t name names, obviously. More than half are girls, I can say that. I told you, one of the guys went really poorly. I said I hurt him and that’s probably true, but it’s also true I tried not to. One of the girls, too, a bit differently. The other girls and a couple of the guys I’d still happily do something with, but the love label is mostly girls ... um ... well, damn, now I went too far. How can I...”

It jumped into my head. “Your older brother.”

She blushed. Considerably. “I guess I should have assumed you’d guess, considering. Yeah. I still love him, and I mean, I always will, but we’re not ‘in love’ anymore.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” It didn’t, either. I was thinking about it, and it was OK.

“Good. You’re the first guy I’ve ever told that to, and only a couple girls know. I didn’t mean to. You’re just easy to talk to. Things come out that I wasn’t expecting to.”

I pondered. “I wonder if that’s it.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I wonder if, unconsciously, you were checking to see if I could handle it. If we’re going to be anything long-term — and I’m not saying that has to be the goal — but if we were, either I can handle it, or you’ll always have a secret. And you know that I can discuss feelings for Angie, meaning that, probably, I could handle it.” Not that I was free of a long-term secret, but that was just a bit different.

“Huh. Yeah. Maybe so. Still, it’s early to mention a thing like that. Like, way early,” she giggled. “But what’s done is done, and I’m glad you’re not bothered. Maybe it’s ... well, you and Angie, I know you haven’t, exactly, but it’s like that. He’s here, all the time, for this year at least, so, temptation is right there. And I’m definitely not saying I won’t. Just, if we did, it’d be ... not romantically, but more just ... fucking.”

I laughed. “Look at you. If you wanted someone, you’ve got your pick.” She blushed a fair bit. “We’ve already discussed it; if you want to be with someone, you can be. If I get jealous, that’s on me, not you. And if you think I’m being jealous, call me out, OK? I don’t want to get jealous. If I do, I do — I believe in admitting you feel what you feel — but I also believe in not being jealous, both because I promised not to but also because I think it’s right for me. So, I want to know, not just have you tolerate it.”

“Deal! I can do that. Um ... in the spirit of full disclosure — which we agreed isn’t required — I might have, um ... spent time with Lexi about a week ago. And I might have something brewing with Paige.”

I laughed. “You are just going to push my ‘pig’ buttons with girls, I feel pretty certain.”

She looked at me. “I’m curious. Have you ever, um ... seen...?”

“What a question!”

“Damn! That’s a yes! I know, it’s not, but it also is.” She nudged me in the ribs. “So, don’t tell me it’s not. I was not expecting that!”

I just nodded. I really didn’t have anything I could say.

“I’ll try not to be too bad a snoop, but I’m really curious! I won’t push. I know I can’t pry anything out of you and even trying would be rude.”

“I made that mistake at one point. I asked someone a question they just couldn’t answer either way and put them in an awkward place. Best of intentions, but dumb. Fortunately, I caught it and could rephrase it in a way that made it work.”

“I’m going to completely redirect the conversation. Have you thought about summer programs? It’d be cool to wind up at the same one. I’m seriously looking at either Rutgers or USC. I don’t know if either offer Debate, though.”

“I’m not sure either. Both Angie and I are thinking of Northwestern.”

“Damn. They’re good in Drama too, but I had them penciled in as maybe a senior-year choice. I don’t even know if you can go there for Drama as a junior.”

“Yeah, I don’t know either.”

“You need to get your act together. A lot of places have deadlines coming right up.”

“Money’s an issue. I’m trying to get that worked out.”

“Well, it’d be fun to be in the same one, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. And I’ve heard conflicting things about how many opportunities for mischief there are, at least between genders. Someone I know told me that if you’re gay or bi, you’re golden, but they watch super-carefully to make sure genders don’t mix privately. I suppose it’s not good for the program if someone turns up preggers.”

“Yeah, I’d bet that’s a big ‘nope’.”

“OK. Let’s see. Next week is Klein Forest. You mentioned maybe midweek?”

“I could probably manage Thursday.”

She pulled out a little notebook. “Um. Is Wednesday a possibility?”

“I’d have to ditch Karate. I could do that.”

“Figures the white guy is doing the martial arts here. Actually, I’ve thought about that; it’s good for strength and flexibility.”

“We’re just doing it at the Y. Nothing fancy.”

“We? Angie?”

“Yeah.”

“OK, well, I’m usually regular as clockwork and Thursday is very likely not the best day. Nor would Sunday be, if we wanted to wait after the tournament.”

“Wednesday it is!”

“If I get cranky, tell me to take a Midol. Seriously. It happens.”

“I’ll remember that. Of course, if you’re cranky, you might not take the suggestion well,” I teased.

“Not that cranky!”

“I have to ask. I don’t want to call that a test, because that’s a loaded word, but...”

She blushed a tiny bit and nodded. “Grapevine says you’re fine talking about, mmm ... biology ... that way. I had to check.”

“And?”

“And you pass,” she said with a wink and a grin.

November 30, 1981

Late in study group, I asked Mel and Cammie over to the billiard room to talk.

“What’s up, Steve?” Cammie asked.

“Jasmine backed me into a corner with a question. Which is easy to do; I did it to you.” She nodded. “She asked if I’d ever watched two girls, and um ... I dodged the question. Ineffectively. You know how that goes.”

“Yeah, not much else you could have done,” Mel said, nodding.

“I think she’s trustworthy, right?” Cammie said, smiling a bit.

“I wouldn’t be talking about things like that with her if she wasn’t. It’s very open — well, in Drama circles, and with me, and in circles Angie knows about, anyway — that she’s been with girls as well as guys, so it’s hard to imagine either that it bothers her or that she’d not be aware of the issues.”

Cammie glanced at Mel, and Mel nodded. “If you think it’s OK, and she promises to keep secrets, you can discuss it, at least a bit. I think ... well, the way I see it is, I’d vote for her to join if she was proposed for study group, and that means she’d know. Plus, almost half the team knows I’m not straight, and a fair number know who I’m with. She’s just across the wall. Plus, the Drama kids...” She rolled her eyes. “I know how they are, at least by reputation. Pretty sure you and Angie are joining the circus, over there.”

I laughed. “I keep hearing stories that confirm that, yeah.”

“Thanks for telling us.”

“I pretty much had to. Sooner or later she’s bound to guess something along the right lines. Especially since there’s a second part that doesn’t implicate you, but combined, really might.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I admitted that one of the people I’ve had sex with I didn’t have ‘I love you’ feelings for.”

Mel pouted. “And here I thought you were totally in love with me!”

“I’m sure you could get me to fall for you.”

“She does have that effect on people,” Cammie grinned.

“So, purely out of curiosity...” Mel began.

“You know everyone on my list.”

“No ‘girlfriend in Canada’?”

“Nope. You might not keep knowing, though, because Jasmine has plans to set me up for some things, and I won’t be confirming anything. But Jasmine might out me, or they might, or Angie might. I take no responsibility for what girls say about it.”

“So, in other words, we’ll still know,” Mel said with a smirk, which Cammie joined in.

“Yeah, probably. I think it’d be dangerous to try to shut that down.”

“Very!”

After that conversation, I realized something and pulled Andy and Cal aside. “Hey guys, look, there’s a fairly decent chance Jasmine will figure out about Cammie and Mel. And if that happens...”

“Then she knows about us,” Andy nodded.

“Yeah. I can try to deflect, but it’s pretty likely to come out. I’m virtually certain she’s trustworthy; a few of the guys in Drama are...”

Cal laughed softly. “We know. But yeah, no one knows except the gay kids and the Drama kids.”

Andy nodded. “Trying to cover it up puts you in an awkward position and maybe makes it worse. Just swear her to secrecy. We trust your judgment.”

“And thanks for letting us know,” Cal added.

At Karate I made sure to tell Sensei Ken that I’d miss class Wednesday. He was happy that I let him know. Angie would still be going, of course. Once I got home, I tried Nancy again. Still no answer.

December 1, 1981

Jasmine and I had started at the Drama table again, then moved apart. “OK, before you start poking your nose everywhere...”

“You like one place I can poke my nose.”

“Yes. Yes, I do,” I smirked back at her. “Anyway, I have permission from the girls in question to answer two of your questions. However, I have to swear you to secrecy, up, down, and sideways. That includes girl talk, gossip, Drama kids ... anyone outside people Angie clears or the girls themselves clear. And it includes any ... um ... related assumptions you might make.”

“You know I’ll stay quiet, but that tells me they’re very not ‘out’ and at least one has safety issues. Yeah, the absolute last thing I’d want is to put someone in that sort of hell. Also, wait, two questions? You didn’t just watch, you joined in!”

“Yes. In fact, that was the point.”

“Mmm. That says they’re the couple, and you were curiosity.”

“Yup.”

“OK. So, who do I know ... you did not get involved with Janet and Lizzie! No way!”

I laughed. “Good guess, but no. I seem to be on Lizzie’s approved list for hugs, but I’d be astounded if anything further happened that way. Though in a weird way you’re closer than you might think.”

“Gotta ask. How?”

“A friend of mine got the wrong impression of Janet, and thought she actually picked up the guys she flirted with, cheating on Lizzie. Not only that, but despite all logic, she thought I’d tried to cheat on Candice with Janet.”