Chapter 33: The Happiest Place on Earth

December 24, 1981

Disneyland, so the sign says, is ‘The Happiest Place On Earth’. Obviously, that varies by who you are. Non-Disney fans, and there are many, don’t agree. Neither do the occasional screaming children who are miserable for whatever reason — a denied souvenir or treat, a too-long day, a scolding, whatever. And neither do parents who are simply burned out from the lines, the crowds, the cost, whatever.

Yet, on average, it’s not a bad claim to make. People love Disneyland, overall, and in large numbers. It’s made to provide you many opportunities to be happy; if you choose not to, well, that’s not their fault, is it? We were looking forward to a few happy days, while still expecting some moments of aggravation.

Our room was pleasant enough, if not all that fancy. The Disneyland Hotel was pretty pricey for what you got in terms of rooms, but the one thing you got, that you couldn’t get anywhere else, was a short-cut into the park. The monorail would take you right into Tomorrowland, bypassing the front gate. We planned to enter via the front gate anyway, today, to have that experience. But after that? Convenience!

We were up at 7am and done with breakfast by 8:30. The Disneyland tram took us from the hotel to the front gate, where we joined the others waiting for the gates to open. Just before 9am, they opened, and we were in, whereupon we headed to the guest services offices to get ‘My First Time’ buttons. Mom and Dad didn’t know they gave out a wide variety of buttons; I claimed to have read about it somewhere. Which was true; it just was years in the future.

Buttons in place, we headed in at a quick walk, making for Fantasyland. It’s almost always best to head there first, if you want to see it that day. The lines would only get worse. We’d have plenty of time for Main Street U.S.A. later, and for most of Tomorrowland we’d planned to just wait until tomorrow. Pun intended.

We all rode the carousel, Peter Pan’s Flight, Snow White And Her Adventures, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, and Dumbo. Mom seemed nostalgic about Snow White. Angie rode the teacups without me, laughing again at my reluctance. I reminded her that she might wind up wearing my breakfast if she demanded I ride with her. She let me off the hook.

Mom and Dad demanded lots of pictures, and we stood in line to meet Mickey and Minnie, Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora. Out of earshot of the parents, Angie had a question for me. “Hey, which of them are you hoping to pick up, big brother?”

I pretended to think about it. “Let’s see. I could have a girl who gets awoken by a kiss. Or, another girl who gets awoken by a kiss. Or a girl who gets pretty involved in making her own luck. You know I’d pick Cinderella.”

She giggled. “Practical, but Aurora’s pretty cute, and Snow White is supposed to be ‘the fairest of them all’.”

I shrugged. “Sticking with Cinderella. None of them are my favorite, anyway.”

“Yeah, well, you know a bunch even I don’t know.”

“Sure, but you know my favorite.”

“Oh, that pins it down.” She ticked them off on her fingers. “Oh, duh. Belle. The brainy one.”

I laughed. “She’s not the only brainy one, but yeah, definitely Belle.”

“I’d guess we’re the only two people in the park who can have this conversation.”

“If anyone else here would understand it, I want to meet them!”

Mom and Dad caught up. We’d gotten into the line for It’s A Small World. “What are you two talking about?” Mom asked.

Angie smiled. “Our favorite princess. Who’s yours, Mom?”

“Snow White! I was a little girl when I saw it for the first time. Scared me half to death! But I loved the dwarves, and I was so happy when Snow White met her prince. I like the others, but that one left the biggest impression on me. I’m surprised you even have one, Steve! You never seemed to care about them that much.”

Angie defended me. “Hey, guys can like princesses, too!” She realized where that might go. “I mean, as characters, and all. Obviously, the various Princes Charming like them!”

“Yeah, I didn’t like them when I was younger, but now I do. My favorite’s Cinderella. Well, I have a couple others from literature, like Buttercup, but Cinderella’s my favorite.”

Angie shot me a look. “Cinderella’s my favorite, too. Who’s Buttercup? That’s a silly name!” I was certain she knew.

“She’s from a book, ‘The Princess Bride’. It’d make a great movie; maybe someone will make it one day. And from the movies, I can think of another favorite princess.”

“Who?” Mom asked. “And have we seen it? I don’t know that book at all.”

“The most awesome princess of all. Leia!”

All of them laughed, Dad most of all. “Trust you to come up with a sci-fi princess! But she’s hardly a Disney princess!” I barely avoided laughing, something I could tell Angie caught.

“Which Disney princess is your favorite, Dad?” Angie brought us back to the original subject.

He laughed. “I hadn’t even thought about it. I don’t know! Maybe Sleeping Beauty, but I admit that’s partly because I like the rest of the story. Really, my favorite Disney movie is ‘Fantasia’.”

“OK, we need a picture of Dad with Aurora and Mom with Snow White and the dwarves!” Angie said

“Is that her name?” Dad laughed. “I’d forgotten.”

“It’s either Aurora or Briar Rose. She went by both at different points. But Aurora is her name as a princess.” I was glad Angie took that. I knew it too, but it would strain Mom’s credulity for me to claim to know it.

“OK, everyone, get ready. We’re about to face the scariest ride at Disneyland.” I waved to It’s A Small World. We were nearly to the loading area.

Mom laughed. “Scary! It’s just about the least scary thing here.”

“Nah. The song induces nightmares. If you misbehave on other rides, they kick you off. If you misbehave on It’s A Small World, they don’t let you get off.”

Angie giggled. “Well, I’m not scared. Let’s go see it!”

We loaded into a boat and set sail. Angie bopped her head to the music in the first room. A bit less in the second. Not at all in the third. Then she looked at me and giggled a bit.

As we were heading out, I looked around at the family. “OK, who wants to ride again?”

Everyone shook their heads. Mom laughed. “Not scary, but I see what you mean. I wouldn’t want to be trapped on it. But it’s really cute, too.”

“It is. But seriously, I read a story about the ride operators refusing to let a group of kids that misbehaved get off, sending them through several times.”

Everyone laughed. “I think that would teach them not to do whatever they did again!” Mom said.

By this point we were all getting tired and hungry. We decided on soup and sandwiches. The cool temperature might have been a factor. Well, Angie and I did. Mom and Dad decided they’d linger in the warmth a while longer. We set 3pm at Country Bear Jamboree as the meeting time and place and set out. Angie and I rode the riverboat over to Tom Sawyer Island.

Once we were finally alone, Angie went back to our prior conversation. “OK, spill. It amused you when Dad mentioned Leia not being a Disney princess.”

“In my first go-round, Disney bought Lucasfilm in 2012. So, Leia was a Disney princess. Not marketed as such, but still.”

She laughed. “OK, that’s funny.”

I pointed off in the distance. “That part of Disneyland will be Star Wars-themed in 40 years.”

“Cool! Let’s come back then and bring the kids. And maybe grandkids.”

“Based on the timing, I’m kind of hoping there aren’t grandkids yet, or that, if there are, that they’ll be very little. But maybe I’ll have kids earlier. Who knows?”

“Yeah. I still want to wait quite a while.”

“Me, too. But I’m going into it with very different expectations this time.”

“You didn’t want kids?”

“I really wasn’t sure for a long time. And, until I had them, I didn’t realize how much I would’ve missed.”

“Maybe one day we’ll chase them around here.” She took off; I followed. We scampered around the island, seeing what we could get up to for the next hour or so. It’s always amused me there’s a relatively large, fairly unstructured play area within Disneyland, and it’s a favorite of mine, both at fifteen and at fifty.

We got to the boat in time to get back and held hands, enjoying the ride. The Country Bear Jamboree show was silly and corny and a lot of fun. After that, we found spots — not too crowded — to watch the parade.

Mom and Dad were ready to give up, but I lobbied for two more rides, which were my favorites in Disneyland: Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion. Mom thought they both sounded scary; I convinced her they weren’t, or at least that she should try them. We zipped from our parade vantage point to Pirates, where the line had dwindled as people watched the parade. Half an hour later we were boarding a boat.

Mom looked around. “This is pretty amazing. Is that really a restaurant over there, with tables facing us?”

I nodded. “I’d like to eat there. That’s the Blue Bayou restaurant. We should make a reservation there today for the day after tomorrow.”

Dad smiled. “We can do that. I read about it — it sounds good.”