Chapter 6: Old Friends Return

August 22, 1981

This time I had my session second. Angie and I had talked about it and decided that Angie prepping Dr. Stanton, and going over her perspective, would be better than talking to me first.

I was a little nervous on the walk back to her office. Not too bad, but a little. I sat in my usual chair, watched her collect the usual folders and her pen.

“So. Angie told me about things. I’d like to hear your thoughts before I go on.”

“On...?”

“The first day of school, first, please.”

I shrugged a bit. “It started normally. We got there. I locked the bikes while Angie was talking to friends. I guess I’m not sure if that saved me or nearly killed me. Or both.”

“How so?”

“If I’d been up, I’d have seen him coming. He’s not quick or subtle. I probably could have dodged the bat. But if I had, he might have slugged Angie, or someone else. Angie can take care of herself, but the thought of him swinging a bat at her scares the hell out of me. And there were others there who couldn’t take care of themselves.”

She nodded.

“And the flip side — because I had my helmet on, and because my bike fell on me, I only suffered minor injuries. So it didn’t work out to be a bad thing that I was kneeling down there.”

“Even with minor injuries it has to be pretty traumatic.”

“It is. I feel like I’m doing OK, but of course, I’m second-guessing a lot of things. But I don’t think I would do anything differently.”

“You know Angie is playing the ‘what if?’ game, right?”

“I’ve told her I’ll be upset if she does that. She wants to blame herself for getting involved with him. But how could she have known he’d turn out to one day be homicidally vengeful or jealous or whatever? That’s a recipe for never entering into a relationship and second-guessing everything.”

“Yes, it is. And she’s mostly avoiding it. I’m glad you’re pushing her on that, too. Anything but firm pushing will allow her to indulge the idea that she’s somehow to blame for something she did nothing to cause.”

“I’ll keep pushing”.

“I think I’ll want to do at least the next session with you. But that’s easy; your schedule is so complicated now that the next session won’t be for a month. For either of you.”

“We’re getting busy!”

“And that’s a good thing. What else is on your mind? Angie made it sound like there’s more.”

“Maybe. She’s ... nudging ... me to get back to dating. I don’t have anyone I’m that serious about yet, but I’ve accepted the Homecoming dance as a goal, even if it’s just a casual date. The thing is, when we talked about it, it came up that maybe I’m suppressing my feelings a bit. Honestly, losing Nancy still hurts. I feel like anyone would still be a rebound. And maybe I am feeling somewhat snake-bit after two relationships that ended fairly abruptly. Sure, both had circumstances beyond anyone’s control, but that doesn’t make me feel a lot better about it.”

She jotted a few notes. “I don’t think that’s a bad reaction. But this is where you need to listen to your own advice. If you follow that to its logical conclusion, you’ll never date again, because any relationship might end abruptly. You’ve got proof of that. Just like Angie has to let go of her feelings of blame over your being attacked, you need to let go of your feelings of loss and rejection. Especially since — and this is a little harsh, but you and Angie both do well with harsh...” she said with a smile, “you’re fifteen and you may well have another few relationships explode. I hope you don’t, but that’s how life is.”

“I know that rationally. I’ll date again. And, soon. I know that. But I may keep Homecoming, at least, casual. We’ll see. I never expected either Candice or Nancy to get as serious as they did as fast as they did. So, I may just get blindsided again.”

“Just keep yourself open to the possibilities. That’s all you can do. Anything else?”

“Candice called. She invited us to dinner out, along with a few friends. Pizza place at the mall. Saturday the 29^th.”

“That sounds nice. She’s on an appointment basis now; her parents need to be there, and there are some restrictions on who can attend, but it’s no longer managed by counselors. Her parents know the boundaries to set. For both her parents and Candice, getting her back together with you and Angie is near the top of their list.”

“There is an interesting sidelight to this. Candice wanted — needed, I think — to include some friends. Mike and Sarah are going, and Angie’s boyfriend Gene — Candice knows him, at least somewhat. Since I’m not seeing anyone currently, that left an open spot. She didn’t want to invite another boy — or couldn’t. After thinking about it, she asked after Mel.”

“And...?”

“And asked if Mel was seeing anyone. Which is something I can’t answer, so I asked her to call Mel.”

“That is interesting. I don’t know how she’ll react if Mel opens up to her. Nothing bad, though, I’m pretty sure. I also don’t know what her parents would think of it. Of course, if Mel goes by herself, or Cammie attends but doesn’t give any signals, her parents wouldn’t be aware unless Candice tells them.”

“I’m not sure what Mel will say, but I didn’t feel comfortable giving a false answer, because the odds are that Candice will find out sooner or later and would know I was lying. But I can’t reveal Mel and Cammie’s secrets.”

She nodded. “I think you did the best you could with it. I’ll be ready in case it doesn’t go well. Anything else for now?”

I shook my head. “I think that’s it. Sorry that the schedule is confusing. It’ll be a bit chaotic for us, too.”

She laughed. “Oh, I’m sure! You and Angie are very busy. Watch that, please. I don’t want to see either of you burning out or having issues with the stress.”

“It should be fun,” I smiled. “If it’s not fun we’re doing it wrong.”

“Pardon the play on words...”

“Always.”

“But, speaking of ... behaving?”

I chuckled. “Behaving, yes, Dr. Stanton. No issues there. We continue to be close, but with no misbehavior.”

“Good to know. Thanks for coming in.”

“Thanks for seeing me, as always. It’s good for me to have someone to talk to this way.”

“You know I enjoy talking with you, as well.”

We walked out together. It felt weird to just leave after my session, after being first so many times.

August 25, 1981

Two weeks in, study group was back to being fully a study group, both Saturday and today. Yes, while there were still naps, we all had exams coming up this week so we dug into the material. So far, I ranked Chemistry and World History as my biggest two ‘need to study’ classes. Algebra II wasn’t an issue, and English II shouldn’t be bad. Art might be up and down. PE and Debate obviously wouldn’t be any issue at all.

So far no one had any recommended additions, and I was holding off on Sue.

Mel came over to me late on Sunday.

“Hey, Steve. Candice called.”

“And?”

“Cammie and I will be there.”

“I take it...?”

“I sounded her out. If the secret gets back to my parents, it’s ... awkward. But they wouldn’t make me name names and they won’t send me off or anything. I think it might disappoint Mom. Dad I’m not even sure.”

“We just need to make sure her parents don’t pick up on it.”

“She thinks they’d be OK, but I’m not sure. We’ll just play it by ear. It’s not like we’re all lovey-dovey at school or anything. We can handle a dinner.”

“Cool. I can’t wait, you know?”

“I know! Me too. But I can see why it’s much bigger for you.”

“It’s big. Seeing her will mean something that all the phone calls just can’t. The last time I saw her...”

“I can only imagine.”

“Don’t. I try not to. Remembering the good times is better, and this will help with that.”

August 29, 1981

Erwin Matthews was waiting outside the pizza place when we arrived. He shook hands and let Angie hug him.

“Sandy and Candice are inside. I wanted to talk to you first. I ... still ... I can’t possibly, ever, thank you enough, either of you. I’m in your debt forever. Not just for ... that night ... but all the times you met with Dr. Stanton and all the help you gave her. She can’t say enough good about you two, either.”

I smiled, softly. “Erwin, Sir, it’s ... I’ll tell you what I told Candice when she said something similar, about being in debt. I told her she could repay us by going and living a wonderful life and being happy and following her dreams. And you and Sandy can just repay us by giving Candice everything she needs to do that. I didn’t do it because I wanted to be a hero...”

Angie interjected, “Me, neither.”

“ ... I did it because I love Candice and losing her light from the world would be a tragedy. I don’t want anything other than her happiness. When we got involved that night I knew — we both knew — that she might never forgive us. If Candice hated us but was alive and happy, I could’ve lived with that. Everything else is just a bonus.”

“Definitely. I knew she’d be angry. But angry and alive is infinitely better than not alive,” Angie added.

He shook his head. “You know we’ll do that, anyway. But I want you to know, if I can ever do anything for either of you, just let me know. And just so you know, as long as her therapist says it’s OK, we plan to keep having her get together with friends as long as she wants to, and you want to. I’m not sure how long we’ll have to supervise — that’s up to her therapist.”

“Of course. Whatever she needs.”

“Sandy and I will sit in sight but not too close. We don’t need to listen in. She knows what to do if she’s feeling out of sorts, and I know you’ll be watching to make sure she’s OK.”