Chapter 85: Well Prepared

Sunday, April 18, 1982

Sue pulled me aside about halfway through study group. I was pretty sure I already knew the topic. We settled on a couch in the billiard room. Close. She was blushing almost immediately.

“I ... um ... I wanted to ... uh ... tell you ... the, um ... the supplements? They, uh ... work.”

“Tell me about it?”

She got a tiny bit redder. “I have crushes! So many crushes! Oh my god! Is this what puberty is like for everyone?!”

“Having never been a girl, I don’t know?” She giggled at that, breaking a bit of the tension, and slapped my shoulder playfully. “But, for boys, pretty much, yes.”

“It’s ... I mean, I had it, I thought. Right? Period started, boobs came in, hair, the usual. Touching didn’t do a lot and I didn’t do the crush thing, but, hey, maybe the stories are overblown?” She looked at me and giggled again. “So not overblown! Oh my god! I have crushes on everybody!”

“Everybody?”

She giggled again. “No, not everybody everybody. Not Meg! Not any of my teachers! Or my parents! Ew! But, you, and Angie, and Jasmine, and Jessica, and Cammie, and Lizzie, and Gene, and Mike, and half a dozen movie stars, and a dozen other kids ... argh! How do people even cope? It’s so distracting!”

“For boys, it involves a lot of ... stress relief. Until things stop being so distracting. I think that’s true for girls, but Angie’s the person to ask.”

“I can do that now, too. Things work. Oh my God, do they work! And they say sex is better? How do people survive?”

“I’d say you’re overdosed...” She giggled at that. “But I’m pretty sure if just giving girls more hormones did that, some girls would try to get them, or guys would try to slip them to girls. Both.” More giggling. “It will settle down. Talk to Angie or one of the other girls. They probably know better coping strategies. There’s about a year where boys try to stay at their desks extra-long and carry their books in front of them and spend much too long in the bathroom.”

She giggled and blushed. “And now, see, I think of what that would look like, and, before, it’d be like ... clinical. Now it makes me want to spend extra time in the bathroom!”

“I don’t want to embarrass you, but ... it’s even, boys and girls?”

She nodded, firmly. “It is. It’s different, but, not different. But I don’t think it means I’m one or the other or both. Not yet. I think it means I’m confused and I don’t have much of a handle on things that way. I might like just one or the other or both. I don’t know.”

“That’s completely fine.”

“Can I start with you?” She got really red, held up her hand, and said, “Not that! I mean, oh ... oh hell, I don’t know what I mean. But what I think I mean is, can we do a proper date where I’m not just indifferent?”

“Of course. This weekend is out...” She giggled and nodded. “ ... and next weekend Jasmine owns part of my time and Jessica owns another part...” She looked a bit curious. “But I think lunch, at the very least? Until 1:30pm or so? I have an appointment at 2. Or I can ditch part of group.”

“Lunch is good! I think I might want to go right to bed, but I won’t be ready, and lunch is nice and safe.”

She hesitated, then went on. “My parents, um ... know. I mean, that I’m ... working ... now. I couldn’t hide it. I didn’t want to hide it. They’re happy for me, though Dad says that now he needs a shotgun. They allowed me to date, if they know the boy. I haven’t mentioned that I’m crushing just as bad on girls. I think that’s not a concern, yet. Anyway, they know you and they like you. And lunch is safe and that’ll make them happy.”

“Happy parents are a good thing. Believe me. If mine weren’t happy, I’d have gotten in a lot of trouble a couple weeks ago.”

“This has to do with Cindy dropping out, right?”

“Not directly, but yes.”

“I heard she was calling parents! That little bitch!”

“I’m glad she’s found somewhere else to be. The tension between her and the rest of us was awful.”

“Thank god she never figured Cammie out.”

“Very much yes!”

“Um ... can I ask about you and Jessica?”

“We’re going out as friends. I don’t know where things are going, but we’re becoming friends, and that’s nice. We’ll be working together a lot next year.”

“She’s amazing. Oh my god! So much crush!”

“She’s a cool person, too.”

“She must be, if you want to hang around with her. Okay. We should get back. Date is good. Date is really good.”

“Sue? One thing?”

“Yeah?”

“State. You’re going to be sleeping in the same bed with a girl, maybe one you have a crush on.”

“Oh my God! Why didn’t I think of that? Changing and showering after PE is bad enough! Dammit, last year I hated rooming with the coach and this year it would be wonderful!”

“Don’t resort to that. You could — Meg would understand. But it’s not her business unless you want to share. Just ... manage it. Probably you can make it Angie and maybe Cammie or something. Girls who’ll understand what you’re going through without it getting to people you don’t want to know.”

“I think it’ll be Angie, Cammie, and Janice. Someone said they were doing the three freshmen, the four sophomores, four of the five juniors, and then the two seniors and Zoe.”

“That’s actually a good plan. I don’t know how the Drama girls will arrange themselves.”

“All in one big bed, if what I hear is true!”

I chuckled. “Even Steffie won’t put up with that.”

“Well, she can’t possibly split up girls such that people aren’t sleeping with people they’ve slept with!”

“True enough.”

“Ugh! This is crazy! But, really, I can’t possibly thank you enough for talking to me and pushing me to get help. Right now it’s nuts, but I can see a normal life now. With someone. That’s such a relief, you have no idea! I thought I’d need to do the whole ‘lie back and think of England’ thing. Now, hopefully, I can think of them.”

“And that’s the goal, right there. Giving you the life you want.”

“So, so grateful! Thank you!” She kissed me. Unpracticed and not exactly hot, but, enthusiastic. Really enthusiastic.

“Let’s get back out there before they wonder.”

“Yeah, good idea.” She paused. “Maybe the bathroom first.” Then she blushed. “Not like that!”

I started heading to the other room.

“Okay, I lied. That. I can’t study like this!”

Fortunately, I had a girlfriend who was understanding about involuntary male reactions.

Jasmine whispered the question to me later. “Um, Sue...?”

“Is doing better. That’s making her struggle a bit.”

“Oh! I guess I get why you were ... indicating something.”

“It’s her story to tell, but you may hear.”

“Of course.” She kissed me. “Lucky I don’t care if you get a little enthusiastic about another girl.”

“You care. You like it when I do.”

“True enough!”

9:30pm

Angie snuggled up. “Sue?”

“As guessed, treatment is a success.”

“How big a success?”

“According to her, she has crushes on everyone.”

“Everyone? That would be awkward!”

“She clarified it. Not teachers, not her parents, nothing like that. But there was a long list. You were on it.”

“Me? It works for girls, too?”

“There were a bunch of girls on the list.”

“Wow! From zero to go go go!”

“She doesn’t know if she’s straight or gay or bi or whatever, just that she wants to find out. We’re tentatively planning a lunch date for the Saturday after State. She’s happy with lunch — she doesn’t want to just fall in bed and worries that she will. I reminded her that she will literally be falling into bed with girls she has crushes on at State.”

“Me. Cammie?” I nodded. “Janice?”

“She said nothing about Janice.”

“Figures. Janice is in LD-land. She’s not as much part of our inner circle. Plus, she sees Cammie and me every day except Saturday.”

“Yeah.”

“I have to say, she’s really pretty. I would. For science, you understand.”

“For science. Got it.”

“To help Sue. She needs to know if girls are in the picture.”

“Just for Sue.”

She growled. “Win-win, okay?”

“Full disclosure, I would, too. I’d feel weird about it — if it was today — but good. I think it’s more than 50/50 that we do. And after a date or two, less weird, I’d hope. Or not do it.”