Chapter 9

“Schiffer broke a bottle on Morgan’s head. And now me steppin’ on the Devil’s tail.
Across the stripes of a full moon’s head. And through the bars of a Cuban jail.
Bloody fingers on a purple knife. Flamingo drinkin’ from a cocktail glass.
I’m on the lawn with someone else’s wife. Admire the view from up on top of the mast.”
-Tom Waits, “Jockey Full of Bourbon”

Contessa Helena de San Finzione, Susan Bailey, and Nigel Mander got into the back of La Contessa’s limousine. Once they were all in, Scappa, her driver, departed the castle.

“Don’t get too comfortable.” Helen told the others. “We’re not going far yet.”

“But you said to dress nicely for it.” Susan noted.

“Yes. We’re paying a social call on one of the castle’s neighbors.”

Susan looked over at Mander, who was wearing a nice suit.

“I’m used to seeing you in cargo shorts and a t-shirt.” Susan pointed out to him. “Except that tux you bought that one day in Seattle.”

“I’ve got nice clothes too.” Mander told her. “And Her Countessness is right. Where we’re going, you want to look presentable.”

The limo passed through the castle gates and onto Strada al Castillo. They turned left and drove for about two blocks before Scappa pulled into a driveway on a sprawling estate.

“Lovely garden.” Susan commented, admiring the lush, rich foliage that the family who lived here spent decades cultivating. “TV WAS bullshitting me, wasn’t it? Crime really does pay.”

“Depends how good you are at it.” Mander replied. Helen reached out for a fist-bump, and he took it. Helen spoke next.

“And the kind of people we’re going to see today are good at it. Or they were. I might be throwing you into the deep end a bit, bringing you along with us. Our conversations today should be cordial, but these are people you’ve seen in movies. The kind of people for whom The Law is a natural enemy, Susan. Like Star Wars fans and other Star Wars fans.”

“Don’t let Julie hear you say that.” Susan replied.

“Oh, she’s one. She knows. But yes, we’re starting at the top because he just happens to be one of my neighbors.”

The car pulled up to the Nessuno estate’s main house. Mander stepped out and held the door for the two ladies. A man in a pinstripe suit was leaning against the wall next to the door. Mander regarded the bulge under his jacket. The man looked back and did the same. Susan started whistling the theme from “The Godfather.”

“No.” Helen quietly suggested. “Don’t do that. It might be offensive.”

Helen and Susan walked toward the door. The man who’d been leaning against the wall stood up and pressed the doorbell for them. The chime rang out the theme from “The Godfather.” Susan looked over at Helen. She shrugged and the door opened.

“Contessa!” The middle-aged woman who opened it proclaimed, speaking English for her guest. “It has been too long! How are the Royal Twins?” She turned to the man on the door. “Gino, cocoa and an ash tray for La Contessa.” The man snapped to attention and went inside. She turned to Susan. “I’m sorry, you are new. Do you want cocoa too?” Susan indicated that she didn’t and let Helen speak.

“They’re doing well, Donna Nessuno.” Helen replied. “I’m sorry I don’t have time to show you any pictures today. I’d love to see some photos of your children and grandchildren too, but I’m afraid I have some business with your husband.”

“Well, I see them on the news the day before yesterday. They are very cute and princely in their robes. Come, I take you to Salvatore.”

Helen smiled at that. Donna Nessuno led the way and the three of them followed. After walking through a hallway that Susan noticed was almost as spacious as the ones in the castle, they reached an office door. Donna Nessuno knocked and entered.

“Salvatore, La Contessa is here.”

The portly man behind the desk got up and crossed the room to kiss Helen’s wedding ring.

“Contessa,” Don Salvatore Nessuno said to her. “It is an honor to have you again in my home. And Mander, good to see you again.” He looked over at Susan. “I don’t believe we have met.”

“Hi.” Susan said, approaching him. “My name’s Susan Bailey. You have a lovely home.”

The Don took Susan’s hand and kissed it. She wondered for a moment if she was supposed to kiss his ring or not when he returned to his desk and lit a cigar. He offered one to Mander.

“I know, I know. You are watching La Contessa now. You smoke it later, no?”

Helen took the cigar and passed it to Mander. He stuck it in his pocket and smiled. The Don turned back toward La Contessa.

“I trust that this visit is not about the last inspection of the girls.”

“No.” Helen replied, taking a seat. “They’re all old enough, being treated well, and are there of their own free will, so we have no problems. I’m here about another matter that’s no doubt already reached your ears.”

“Ah, the diamond.” The Don confirmed, taking a puff of his cigar. “A nice prize, but I would know that such a theft would become a political matter. And that is La Contessa’s territory alone. None of my people would be involved in this. But if she wishes me to call them in so she can use her magic on them...”

“That won’t be necessary, Salvatore. I never thought they would. We have two names so far. Americans; Morris Sinclair and Gordon Walker. My first question would be if you are aware of these men and if they’ve ever operated in San Finzione.”

The Don thought for a few puffs.

“I’ve heard of them. By reputation. They are known for stealing gems and other things. Never here, though. I’ve had no word of them entering the country.”

Gino entered the room bearing a silver tray. He set it down on the Don’s desk, within La Contessa’s reach. She lit a cigarette and picked up the cocoa.

“But you’ve heard of them.” She took a drag, then a sip. “From people who might know more. If I have to go down the chain like that, I will. But I’d rather not.” She subtly made the next part a command. “So, if you could remember who told you, that would be helpful.”

Don Nessuno subconsciously worked his brain harder until he found the answer.

“The Suede. Yes, that was who mentioned them. About a jewel they’d stolen in his country a year or so ago. I think they almost got caught but got away somehow. The Suede would know more.”

Helen took another sip of cocoa.

“You know he doesn’t like it when people call him that. But I thank you. Looks like we’ll be talking to The Suede next.”

She and the Don continued smoking and chatting while Helen finished her cocoa. Mander stood silent and Susan sat quietly, not knowing if she should say anything or not until Helen turned to her.

“Susan, dear, you’ve been quiet. Any thoughts so far?”

Susan blinked before answering.

“Sorry, we’re going to see the suede? Like a couch or a jacket?”

“The Suede is a man. I’ll explain on the way. Or maybe I’ll let him. It’ll give him something to complain about. He likes doing that.” She turned back to Don Nessuno. “I’m afraid we must be off. Don’t let him know I’m coming if you don’t mind. I’d like it to be a surprise.”

“Of course not, Contessa.” He rose from his chair. Mander walked to the door and opened it. “The Nessuno Familia is always happy to receive you.”

He kissed Helen’s ring again and she kissed his. Susan sensed that it was time to go and walked to stand by Mander. This was her first time accompanying Helen on something like this, but she figured out that La Contessa leaves the room first in this situation.

“It is always a pleasure to visit your lovely home, Don Nessuno.”

Gino returned to escort them to their car. They returned to La Contessa’s limousine. When they were in the limo and Gino returned to his post, Susan finally spoke up.

“I’m guessing from all this that we just spoke to the crime boss of San Finzione. The one who’s not you, I mean, Helen. And now we’re going to see someone named after leather?”

“This is how it works, Susan. This is what Mander and I do when you’re not around.”

“I thought there’d be more shootouts and explosions.”

“We do that, too. But the people we’d have to do that to won’t know anything.” Helen replied. Mander took out his cigar and sniffed it before putting it in a more secure inside pocket. “Besides, I’m not going to do anything dangerous on Take Your Susan To Work Day.”

As the limo turned back onto Strada al Castillo to head down La Collina, Susan looked out the window at two utility workers dragging a big machine across the road. She reflected on Helen’s words and quietly reflected on how saying things like that tended to end up for Helen.

Dr. Miguel Rocco, San Finzione’s Minister of Science, stepped off the elevator onto the first floor of the Ministry’s main building. The receptionist informed the head of the Geology department that Dr. Rocco was here, and Dr. Will McTavish came out to meet him.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you down here today, Dr. Rocco.” Dr. McTavish told him.

“That’d be why they call it a surprise inspection, Will.” He replied. “You know how it goes. This won’t take long.”

Dr. McTavish indicated that he understood. The point of these random inspections was to make certain that everyone was following proper procedures and cleanup methods. For the geology department, that mainly consisted of the Minister making certain the place was being regularly vacuumed and dusted.

“I trust you’ll find everything to your satisfaction.”

The two men started walking through the department, the Minister looking around and using a stylus to periodically tick off a box on the new FinTech tablet he carried.

“I’m sure I will.” Dr. Rocco answered. “Yours is one of the easier departments to inspect. Viral Pathology is next on my list after you, and that’s going to take up most of my day. Figured I’d get the one that doesn’t require putting on a clean suit out of the way first.”

They stopped so the Minister could admire a particularly lovely geode.

“Yes.” Dr. McTavish affirmed. “Not much changes in our department. Dr. Grant brought in some new fossils earlier in the week; those are being examined. You might say that things are set in stone around here.”

Dr. Rocco gave a laugh at that. It was only fair. He subjected the man to his Robotics jokes as well.

They continued their tour until they reached a row of surveying equipment. Dr. Rocco stopped at a gap between two large pieces of equipment. He looked down at his tablet.

“Will?” Dr. Rocco asked, his tone changing. “Can you tell me why the €90,000 Ground-Penetrating Radar unit that is supposed to be here is not?”

“It’s been checked out to some archaeology students from the university for the day. They came for it earlier.”

Dr. Rocco tapped the stylus on the tablet a bit more.

“I see. And someone has called the university to confirm that there is a dig going on?”

“They showed up before I arrived this morning, so I’d think someone did. They had your authorization form.”

Dr. Rocco’s brow furrowed.

“I haven’t signed anything out of your department recently.” He told McTavish. “Let me see that form.”

The two of them walked back to reception. Dr. McTavish asked the receptionist for the form. She handed it to him, and he passed it to the Minister, who looked it over.

“That looks like my signature, but I didn’t authorize this.”

Dr. McTavish motioned for the Minister to follow him to his office.

“We’ll check the tracker.” He said. McTavish sat at his computer and pulled up a program. He looked for the unit’s tracker.

“According to this, they took it to a diner a couple blocks away, and then the tracker went dead.”

Dr. Rocco took out his phone and called La Policia.

“I must speak to the prefect.” He told the person who answered. “This is Dr. Rocco at the Ministry of Science. There’s been a major theft.”

Spencer Malone sat at his computer aboard Franz Hauber’s yacht. He’d drawn the best map he could for Morris and Gordon and was reading the r/sanfinzione page while he monitored the local police band. La Contessa hadn’t turned on her computer since Morris tapped into it, so there was nothing for him to do on that front for now.